


Maybe it's Time

by spideyboi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Irondad, Peter Parker Feels, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:02:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22232221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideyboi/pseuds/spideyboi
Summary: Tony Stark could solve just about any problem so long as it wasn't his own, and coping had never been a strong suit. But after Siberia, the relief that he finds at the bottom of a bottle is a whole new horror that nobody knows how to handle; least of all Tony.Peter's a good kid and he deserves better.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 22
Kudos: 74





	1. lucky

Ever since it was announced, Peter had practically been bouncing in his seat.

It was his last class of the day and he was completely zoned in, focused on the task at hand, when his phone buzzed with a breaking news alert; ‘Tony Stark to be presented with prestigious Person of the Year award’. He could hardly believe what he was reading. Finally, after everything that had happened with the Sakovia Accords and the battle in Berlin and not to mention Siberia (which Tony refused to discuss no matter how many times Peter asked him), Tony would at last be offered the kind of appreciation that he truly deserved. Peter’s excitement for this long awaited moment knew no bounds, threatening to burst out of him at any given moment. This was a well-deserved breath of fresh air to ward away the last few… difficult months.

Tony had been struggling since the Accords were signed. He did his very best to disguise that fact from Peter, but he was more intuitive than he was given credit for. While he may not have known what exactly had transpired in Siberia, it had clearly had a huge impact on Tony and Peter did his very best to provide a sense of comfort from that. He could understand why Mr Stark didn’t want him to know. It was like having an escape, someone totally unrelated to the reason he was suffering; Peter was more than happy to be that for him. That didn’t mean though, that he didn’t notice Tony’s long silences, his shaking hands, his periods of absence that were even more distant from Peter than he had typically been. Not knowing how to help him was admittedly difficult, even more so when he figured that Tony didn’t really want to be helped anyway, but Peter had faith that the world would reward him soon enough. Tony deserved a break and at long last, he was getting it.

So that was why, the second that the bell sounded signalling the end of the school day, Peter was shoving textbooks into his backpack and making a mad dash for the doors. He didn’t stop to say goodbye to Ned or Michelle, feeling a hint of guilt in the back of his mind but there were more important things at hand right now and he could make it up to them later. Rushing through the school halls, first one through the gates and then straight to his most reliable changing spot, Peter shuffled manically into his Spider-Man suit in record time before swinging his way through the city with one goal in mind. It was a strange feeling not to prolong his time as Spider-Man as much as possible like usual but right now, Peter was on his way to something that might make him even happier than his patrols.

Tony had probably won countless awards, but something about this one felt special to Peter. He could only hope that the feeling was shared. This was a long time coming after all, a way for the world to finally say ‘thank you’ to Mr Stark when he really needed it; no matter how hard he tried to pretend that he didn’t.

Finally arriving at the new Avengers Facility where Tony had taken up residence after the Accords and everything that followed, Peter was surprised to be allowed entry with no hassle at all. He was preparing for a battle of words that would doubtlessly only be over if he could convince Tony to come down and advise the security that he was permitted here. Peter had never been great with words. He guessed the Spidey suit must have been a friendly and well-recognised staple by now, directly associated with Stark. The thought made him glow with happiness. Peter Parker trusted and unsupervised in the Avengers Facility? Today just got better and better.

“Hey- hey! Who let you in here?” A familiar voice grumbled from behind him, just as Peter reached the upper levels where Tony’s quarters were located. He had thought he was in the clear, but Happy looked less than pleased to see him as he pulled off his mask, knowing it was safe to do so up here. Peter could only think to offer him a somewhat nervous grin.

“I came to see Mr Stark,” he said, dodging the question completely but it was still a response. No way was Peter being turned away now, this close to dishing out all the congratulations he had in him. Happy was carrying a fresh bottle of water that he pointed at Peter with as his expression turned undeniably serious.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he insisted. “Now _really_ isn’t a good time, so go on, get going.” Happy was turning Peter around then, poking the water bottle into his back to push him back down the hall the way he came.

“But—“ Peter began to protest. He was digging his heels into the ground, looking over his shoulder with a lame pout as Happy shuffled him along. Peter just about caught sight of Tony’s door opening when his eyes lit up with glee.

“Kid?” Tony said, confused as he stepped out into the hallway and stared. It was then that Happy ceased his insistent pushing to get Peter out of here and bowed his head, letting out a long and frustrated sigh as his eyes closed slowly. He wouldn’t even turn to look at Tony. Peter couldn’t understand why until he turned to face his mentor for himself.

Bundled up in an off-white bath robe that looked about three sizes too big, nursing a half empty bottle of beer and sporting bags under his eyes that could have been building up for days, weeks or months, Tony looked more dishevelled and exhausted right now than Peter had ever seen him before. His cheeks were hued bright red and when he went to take a step towards them, Tony leaned and stumbled heavily into the wall, using it for support to stay standing. “Are you-“ he started to question, but cut himself off with a hiccup. Giving an angry shake of his head as though he could knock his mind back into working correctly, he started again. “What are you doing here? Need something?”

Peter was left absolutely dumb-founded by the sight of Tony for a moment, before he realised he had been asked a question that he could hardly remember the answer to anymore. “I, uh—the award. I came to… celebrate with you. I guess.”

Tony nodded then. He smiled, or maybe his mouth just twitched. Peter honestly couldn’t tell, because there was absolutely nothing in his eyes but a solemn kind of disappointment. Maybe guilt. “Of course you did,” Tony mumbled, so quietly it was almost said to himself. The words were fond and familiar. They could almost restore the squashed excitement Peter had harboured all the way here. “Well I’m sorry I started without you,” he raised his bottle and gave a little laugh. That actually did make Peter smile a bit. Tony was affording himself the luxury of a celebration and he couldn’t help but be glad for that. After having been plagued by nothing but misfortune for too long now, it made sense he might go a little overboard now that his good karma was finally starting to catch up with him again. Surely Tony deserved to indulge a little.

“Are you alright?” Peter asked with a real grin now.

“Peachy,” Tony hiccupped, and they both laughed. “’M a little tired, kid. You should go do your Spider thing. Give ‘em one from me.” It was a polite dismissal, but a dismissal nonetheless. Peter couldn’t bring himself to be too upset by that though, since there probably wouldn’t be much fun in him sticking around anyway while Tony was in this drunken state. It was odd and… a little uncomfortable to see him like that, but Peter made himself feel glad for it. He deserved a break, after all, and Peter had always stood by that. Despite all of that though, and even in this state, Tony still noticed that very slight hint of disappointment as it crossed Peter’s eyes. The man frowned, seemingly digging around in his foggy brain for something he could offer Peter as an apology. “You should come tomorrow. To the ceremony, I mean. Yeah.” And Peter could barely believe what he was hearing.

“Okay, lets’ go,” Happy cut in abruptly, moving over to Tony’s side and practically carrying him back into the room with how sluggish Tony’s attempts at walking were. Honestly, Peter had to find the funny side in all of this; here was his childhood _hero_ so high on his celebrations he could barely even stand on his own.

It hardly mattered right now because had Tony really just offered Peter a place at his side while he accepted his award? Would he truly be present to witness such a moment? The next time that Peter remembered how to open his mouth and form words though, Happy was firmly closing the door behind himself and Tony, meaningfully locking Peter out.

That didn’t change what Mr Stark had said, though.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr Stark!” He yelled despite the door between the two of them, and Peter was sure he heard Happy sigh.

While it certainly wasn’t the way that Peter had expected his visit to the Avengers Facility to go, he could hardly complain. Mr Stark was enjoying himself, celebrating his own great achievement and Peter simply couldn’t be disappointed with that. It was what he had always wanted. Not only that, Peter had actually managed to win himself an invite to attend the award ceremony. It would be the opportunity of a lifetime to witness, in the flesh, Tony receiving the award that he deserved more than anyone else in the world. Attending any event alongside Tony Stark, who Peter had idolised and admired for so long now, was bound to be an experience like no other. Though he wouldn’t admit it, Peter was pretty glad to see that Tony was getting his celebrations done now too. Hopefully that meant he wouldn’t allow the drink to go to his head too much tomorrow night.

He made his way back home without allowing himself to think more deeply than that into the situation, worried what his brain might conjure up and not ready to think about the implications of it.

\---

When Peter opened the front door, he was greeted by an absolutely glorious smell coming from the kitchen. It was rare that May’s cooking experiments actually worked out in her favour, and even rarer these days that she was ever home from work early enough for Peter to see her, so today must have been an incredibly lucky one. After changing into some pyjamas in his bedroom, Peter sock-slid into the kitchen and was pulled into a tight hug immediately. He laughed, wrapping his arms excitedly around May in return.

“Guess what,” the two of them exclaimed in unison.

“You first,” Peter insisted.

With dramatic pause, May nodded. She made her way over to the oven, pulled on her bright yellow oven gloves and opened it up. From inside, she pulled a tray that carried a huge and perfectly risen pie which she beamed at with absolute glee. Sure it was a little messy around the edges, but it wasn’t completely blackened and that was an entire success on its own worth celebrating for. “Home-made, unburnt chicken pot pie!” May set the tray down on the counter and threw the oven gloves aside as Peter cheered her. She flicked her hair over her should and took an over the top bow. “I’d like to thank my nephew,” she began. “For coming home in time to share this achievement with me.”

Peter laughed at her performance, leaning over the counter to get a closer look at his aunt’s culinary skills. “Funny you should mention achievements,” he mumbled, to which May gave a little laugh and whacked him playfully with a tea towel.

“Your ‘big news’ better not be that Tony won an award,” she teasingly chastised him. “I want to hear something about _you,_ mister.”

“This is something about me,” Peter insisted. “I went to see Mr Stark and he invited me to the awards ceremony tomorrow night.”

May clapped her hand to her face in delighted surprise. “You’re serious?!” She squealed and Peter nodded, mirroring her beaming grin. “Well, we need to find you a suit and a tie, “ she started to ramble excitedly, heading for the bedroom to dig through the closets, presumably for some of Ben’s old clothes in the hopes something might fit Peter by now.

“May!” He called after her, laughing as she turned to face him. “Dinner?”

\---

“You got off lucky.”

Tony sure as hell didn’t _feel_ lucky. Happy’s voice echoed in an abhorrently loud manner, reverberating off of the bathroom walls and attacking Tony’s dulled senses. It was completely unnecessary for him to loom over Tony in the doorway like that, but it was like Happy insisted on being here whenever he was at his absolute lowest point and would frankly much rather be alone. Right now, that meant collapsed on the bathroom floor, leaning against the wall beside the toilet with his body practically folded in half. Tony had completely emptied his guts by now but moving was not an option. The room spun out of control any time he so much as twitched his head. This was his chosen bed for the night and Happy would let him sleep in it, god damn it.

“You thought of a good enough cover up this time, Tony, but the next time the kid sees you like that what are you gonna say then? Can’t carry on like this…” he was angry, but above all us, Happy’s tone was wracked with a deep and genuine concern. It was hard to care about that right now though.

“Please,” Tony said, voice thick and too loud in his own head. “Please stop talking.”

Happy frowned. “When’s it gonna stop, Tony?”

There he went again, asking questions without answers. By then though, Tony had already blacked out for the night.


	2. missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again!
> 
> just a pre-warning that my updates won't typically be DAILY. i just happened to get this one edited super early, the next few will take a little longer but they're on their way :)
> 
> enjoy! <3

May must have held at least twenty different coloured ties up to Peter’s chest in deep thought before she finally settled on a nice navy with light blue stripes. Normally he would have complained about the extended, boring experience, but Peter simply felt too touched to see just how much of Ben’s stuff May still had stored away in her room. He tried to keep the solemn sadness off of his face while she straightened up his suit and gave him a calculating once over. Peter tried a smile when May’s eyes reached his face. Licking her thumb and flattening down a stubborn curl of hair with it, she returned his grin.

“Ready?” May asked, holding his shoulders with an affectionate glint in her eyes as he nodded affirmatively. She pulled him against her chest and sighed as his arms wrapped tightly around her in return. “When did you grow up, Peter?” Somehow her tone was simultaneously overjoyed and forlorn. “How did I miss that?”

“You didn’t miss it, May,” he chuckled lowly. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Well you remember that when I’m old and grey,” she playfully chastised him in response. “And come and visit me.”

“Hm. I’ll definitely _think_ about it,” Peter teased, earning himself a playful whack on the head that he laughed at. “Hey, c’mon. I’m not going anywhere just yet.”

“Nowhere other than college in a couple of months.”

“Doesn’t count,” he continued to insist, interrupted in his point by the sound of a car horn outside. Finally. A rush of excitement ran through Peter so suddenly that May thought she could quite literally see it take hold of him, and before she knew it he was making a mad dash for the front door. “Gotta go! Love you!” Peter was calling as he made his way out.

“Be safe!” She yelled after him, but he was long gone by then. With a simple smile and a shake of her head, May walked to the window to see Peter scurrying into the back of slick black car, nothing but oblivious, teenage excitement in his demeanour. He was so undeniably out of place and it didn’t seem to matter to him at all. That was all she could have asked for.

Trusting somebody else to take care of him now was bound to be difficult, after being alone in it for what felt like so long, but May figured if she couldn’t rely on Tony for Peter’s sake, then she couldn’t rely on anyone.

\---

“Cheers?” Tony said with a beaming bright grin. As soon as Peter was in the car they were taking off, and Mr Stark was offering him a crisp glass of what he assumed was champagne.

“I’m not old enough to drink,” Peter said with a simple smile as he strapped himself in.

“Good answer,” Tony nodded, tipping the drink back himself and finishing it in only a few gulps. There was a tut from beside Mr Stark that made Peter jump. He hadn’t even noticed Pepper sitting seriously on Tony’s other side, dressed in a brilliant blue gown that matched the man’s suit and wearing an irritated look in her eyes. They looked perfectly important together and Peter almost found himself a little bit flustered in her presence, since getting to see Pepper was even rarer than it was to see Tony. “What?” Tony laughed at her sound of frustration. “It was a good answer. I’ll drink to that.”

“Hi Miss Potts,” Peter piped up in a small voice.

“Hey Peter,” her features softened as she turned to face him, offering a warm smile that served to make Peter feel more comfortable with her almost instantaneously. Naturally, Pepper gave off an intimidating air (particularly when she was unhappy with Tony) but it only took a moment of talking to her for Peter to be reminded of her kind nature. “You look smart.”

“Ah, thanks, I… May helped.” Peter blushed at the admission, but it only garnered an even sweeter smile from Pepper and a quiet chuckle from Tony too. It drew Peter’s attention back to the man and he was surprised to find his glass full to the brim again.

Regardless of that though, Peter was relieved to see how much better Tony looked tonight. The way he had stumbled upon the man yesterday… it was hard to believe this quick-witted, coherent and sharply dressed man was even the same person at all. This was the Tony Stark that Peter knew and he couldn’t be more grateful for that.

“This is empty, Tony.” Pepper was suddenly saying, clutching a very empty champagne bottle in her hand. There was nothing sweet about her tone anymore.

“That it is,” Tony responded flatly. Peter didn’t think it was possible for him to tense another muscle in his body at this point. All of that relief he had felt seeing Tony back to his usual self had instantly evaporated. Something felt incredibly off. “I’m okay. Look, I’m done for the night.” Mr Stark’s voice came across softer then, more reassuring than dismissive like before, and Peter felt a little of the weight in the air shift as Pepper’s face changed. She seemed uncertain, but she was definitely gentler now.

“I’ve heard that before, Tony,” Pepper’s tone had lost some of its edge, but the seriousness of her words was still blatantly clear. Peter looked to Tony then, awaiting his answer. It never came.

\---

When they arrived at the awards ceremony, Peter was out of the car like a bolt. The ride had eased up after that uncomfortable start, and the three of them were actually able to laugh over stories of past events Tony and Pepper had attended, even talk briefly about Peter’s thoughts on college. He had been researching a few different places with May most evenings, but Peter hadn’t really given any extensive thought to it yet. Doubtlessly, May was far more invested in his future than Peter was. Pepper and Tony insisted, and he already knew, he probably should take a more active interest. Peter _wanted_ to go and was desperately excited for college. It was just that right now, going out and being Spider-Man after school was way more appealing than sitting in his living room and googling course fees. Education was important. Getting the chance to be a kid was just as important. Peter knew all of that but for now, college applications could wait.

As soon as Tony stepped out of the car beside him, Peter was blinded by the flashing lights of cameras, something Pepper had warned him to prepare for but his heightened senses never got along with environments like this no matter how much he tried to ready himself. None of the reporters seemed to notice his distress though, and in fact none of them seemed to notice him _at all_. That was to be expected, and definitely for the best anyway. Peter rushed ahead to get away from it all. Of course, he ended up having to wait by the doors since there was no way he was getting in without Tony’s direct approval, but he didn’t mind that. He hung out at the front and watched the praise roll in for Mr Stark. This was already an incredibly rewarding place to be and he hadn’t even gotten inside yet. An event dedicated entirely to appreciating Tony Stark? Peter had never felt more at home.

It took Tony a while of stopping to answer questions or pose for pictures with Pepper but eventually, Peter was being ushered past the red velvet ropes and into a stunning building. Happy bustled in behind them too which seemed to surprise Tony, but he was brushed off with a ‘wouldn’t miss it for the world’ and the two shared knowing grins. There were pictures of Tony everywhere, mixed in with some of Pepper too, and a variety of Iron Man memorabilia that surrounded the room. The floor was absolutely packed with people. Peter assumed that pretty much everything in sight was worth more than his house and did his very best to keep to himself because of that, but he was practically bursting at the seams with exhilaration and joy. Tony was so deserving of this. After being introduced as Mr Stark’s intern to a few people who dripped with importance, Peter was tugging childishly on Tony’s sleeve and asking his permission to explore; it was stupid, but Peter didn’t want to step a foot out of line in such an unfamiliar environment. Best to ask questions _first_ in this situation. Still, he desperately wanted to cover every inch of this floor, admire everything that was set up for the pure purpose of offering Mr Stark the respect and recognition that he deserved.

“What am I, your keeper?” Tony chuckled. “Go, go, do your thing. I needed a little breathing room anyway.”

It was all the encouragement that Peter needed. He was rushing off with an excited grin, just barely avoiding running around the venue in his glee.

Tony watched him go with something of a smile on his lips. Peter was absolutely enthralled to be here, so easily impressed but that was a very endearing quality in him. When Tony had first met Peter, he was just a kid with a once in a life time opportunity to _become_ the superheroes he admired. He had grown an awful lot since then, but Peter never did seem to let go of the child within who thought Iron Man could simply do no wrong. Watching him quite literally double-take and gawk at the hero’s own ice sculpture that acted as the centre piece in the room made Tony feel a certain kind of warmness in his heart, and he chuckled to himself at the sight. Being reminded that there were still people who could look at Iron Man that way was reassuring.

He could have done without having pictures of the Avengers shoved in his face though. People he had last seen behind bars. _Friends_. They were everywhere he looked and Tony could have sworn the room was growing warmer by the second. How was everybody else _breathing_ in here? Suddenly feeling awfully lonely in this crowded room, Tony searched manically for Pepper. She was caught in deep conversation that he couldn’t bring himself to interrupt. Happy had captured a few wandering patrons and began a story that Tony had heard too many times to count.

He tugged uncomfortably at the collar of his shirt; it was too tight, for sure. Things were moving too fast and excruciatingly slowly at the same time. Was there a need for everyone in this damn room to shout? The obnoxiously large, blown up poster on the wall beside Tony was the final straw. New York. Steve’s eyes were burning.

It was probably about time he busied himself elsewhere now.

\---

As the lights dimmed and the stage brightened, Peter elbowed his way as close to the front of the crowd as he could possibly get. Having spent the majority of the night snapping as many pictures as he could, there was no way in hell he was going to miss the best shot of the night. Tony being handed his award. This was something that Peter knew he would want to remember forever.

An elderly man with greying hair, who Peter assumed was far more important than he could comprehend or ever dream to be, was giving an introductory speech that played liked music to his ears. Praising Tony’s accomplishments throughout his life, commending his bravery in standing up to his teammates for ‘the good of the people’ and so on. It was a speech that encapsulated the meaning of everything in this room. All of these pictures, sculptures, suits and ties. All of it here for no reason other than the celebration of Tony Stark.

Small, yet strong as he was, Peter had managed to carefully shove his way right to the stage front where he found the best angle for a shot and eagerly awaited the official announcement of Tony’s award. From here, Peter could get a good glance at the side of the stage where Pepper was stood. He went to offer her a gleeful wave, but something about her was frantic. He couldn’t quite make out what she was saying from all the way over here, especially not with the man on the mic booming his praise, but it was clear in Pepper’s eyes and the way she could barely stand still that something wasn’t right. Before Peter had a chance to figure out what was going on, the man on stage commanded the attention of the room.

“It’s my absolute honour and pleasure, to introduce your official Person of the Year; Anthony Edward Stark!” The eruption of applause was rightfully deafening. Cheers and whistles surrounded Peter, leaving him enveloped in noise and staring with absolute dread at the stage before him wondering just what had gotten Pepper so worked up right before Tony was supposed to be on. He should have been cheering the loudest but instead, Peter was searching the room insistently for some sign of whatever was troubling Pepper. Slowly, the celebrations around him were beginning to fizzle out. Things had quietened to an awkwardly continuous applause and still, there was no sign of Tony. Suddenly, Happy was beside him. He wasn’t here for Peter though, instead signalling to the man on stage with a frantic insistence.

“Cut to the video!” He was mouthing the words to the man in some attempt to avoid anyone around them hearing. Peter glanced to the stage-side just in time to catch Pepper doing exactly the same, making filming motions with her hands and appearing positively humiliated. Someone had apparently answered their prayers because soon enough, the stage lights were dimmed, allowing a video projection of Tony at the Avengers Facility to begin. There were mumbles of confusion around the crowd, people who knew Tony should have been present to receive the award as they had seen him here tonight, but ultimately the recording received just as much attention as Tony himself probably would have.

Peter could barely believe what he was seeing. He shoved his phone back into his pocket, gawking at the video footage and barely hearing a word of what Tony was saying on it. There was little point in snapping a photo of this and he was sorely upset by how it had transpired, that much was obvious in his face. This was a huge and impossible disappointment. No matter how hard he searched the room, Tony was nowhere to be found. Why would he drag Peter all the way here for this?

Happy was looking down at Peter now with some hint of sympathy.

“Sorry kid,” he mumbled, patting Peter on the shoulder awkwardly.

“Where is he?” He didn’t mean to sound as upset as he did, but it was the only question on Peter’s mind. How could Tony miss something like this? Sure, he had won lots of awards and probably been to way too many of these types of ceremonies, but Peter had thought he would make something of an effort at least. Why bother bringing him here otherwise? Perhaps he had been delusional to think that Mr Stark would try to cater to him in anyway. Maybe this had been the plan all along and Peter had been childish to think otherwise. Tony probably had more important things to do than hang around collecting up awards just so that Peter could watch and feel proud of him.

“He’s… not feeling well. Went out for some air.” That was a lie and Peter could tell, but he bolted for the balcony doors immediately anyway. Maybe he had at least told the truth about where Tony was, even if the excuse was blatantly false. He could hear Happy calling out for him to stop. Peter wasn’t in a listening mood right now.

And while the kid’s inability to adhere to instructions may have been the bane of Happy’s life at one point in time, he couldn’t deny the part of himself that _hoped_ Peter wouldn’t listen this time. It shouldn’t have been up to Peter to solve this, but they were trying everything they could.

Sure enough, as Peter shoved open the heavy wooden doors Mr Stark was there with his back to him, stood admiring the stars. Peter was ready to explode with a betrayed kind of rage. That was until Tony turned and their eyes met. Mr Stark’s were puffy and red and the moment that Peter noticed that, all of the anger in him dissipated into absolutely nothing; he didn’t know what to say anymore, so he said nothing at all. With some caution that even he couldn’t quite understand the purpose of, Peter approached the edge of the balcony and stood beside Tony without meeting his eyes again. The man had turned to face the sky once more and he didn’t seem like he had any plans of looking back. They stood in the cold for only a moment longer before Tony’s busy mind couldn’t take the silence anymore.

“Pete,” he sniffed. “How’s it going in there?”

Tony was slurring his words again but Peter tried to make out like he hadn’t noticed.

“It’s good,” Peter nodded.

“Did you like the video? Take number three. Finally got it right.”

There was a disappointed and poignant pause then, where Peter pouted and Mr Stark finally looked at him, concern in his eyes. Tony had grown accustomed to feeling like a failure as of late, but something about leaving even Peter disappointed made his chest ache. “Yeah. It was good.” When the kid didn’t add anything else to his half-assed lie, Tony looked away again. “Why are you out here all by yourself?” Peter finally built up the courage to ask.

Tony let that question hang in the air between them for a moment before he laughed at the sheer gravity of it; Peter had asked it like it was nothing. Like the answer wasn’t crushing Tony, and as though it wouldn’t hurt Peter even more to hear the truth of it. “Just—admiring the night.” He settled on. Peter didn’t seem impressed by that, so Tony felt a compelling need to go on. “Besides, I couldn’t deal with so many me’s everywhere. I swear those eyes follow you around the room.” Peter’s soft and contained laughter brought Tony his first genuine smile of the night. “I can be incredibly judgemental in photographic form.”

That was the fullest sentence Mr Stark had said all night. It made it easier for Peter to remember he was stood beside the man he had admired his whole life and not some random drunk dude with not much of anything to say for himself. It had always been a fulfilling experience to listen to Tony talk. Peter was grateful to be probably the only person here to get that tonight.

“I think that Pepper’s gonna be mad at you,” he said in thought, glancing over to Tony and sliding along the railing to playfully nudge him. It threw Tony way further off balance than it should have done and Peter practically had to catch him before he fell. Both of them laughed, but Tony felt no humour in it at all. Here he was, relying on the kid he was supposed to be mentoring to stop him from falling on his ass like a loser. Tonight was supposed to be his night.

Peter’s, not Tony’s.

“I think that you’re probably right, kid.”

\---

The car ride home was undeniably uncomfortable. Peter was sat in between Tony and Pepper, the absolute last place that he wanted to be right now but he had been pretty much ushered into this position and used as a wedge between the couple while they refused to even look at each other. Happy kept on sparing him sympathetic glances in the rear-view mirror. Peter only willed him to drive faster and get him out of here before somebody lit a match and started a fire with the aggressive atmosphere between them.

Unfortunately, it seemed he wasn’t getting out of all of this that easily.

“Are we not even gonna talk?” Tony said, and Peter found himself desperately scouring the streets outside, searching for an area that he recognised, a road sign to tell him they were close but ultimately coming up short. Pepper sighed, finally averting her irritated gaze from the window. She faced Tony across Peter, and in this moment he thought he would rather be anywhere else in the world but the middle seat of this car.

“What would you like me to say, Tony?” Pepper sounded exasperated and Peter couldn’t blame her. “I’ve already said everything I could _possibly_ say and nothing’s changed.”

“Well, you haven’t said everything,” Tony grumbled. “’Congratulations’ would have been nice.”

“Congratulations for what?” Pepper’s voice was colder now. “Bailing on another award ceremony? Leaving me to clean up your mess for you, without saying a single word about it, _again_?”

Things were heating up and Peter hardly knew whose side he was on here. Of course he had no intentions of getting involved or adding anything to the discussion at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. Peter did everything that he could to make himself as small as possible, trying to disappear and allow the two of them to battle it out as though he wasn’t even here at all.

When Tony didn’t answer, Pepper went on. “You told me it wouldn’t happen tonight, not in front of Peter, and I believed you. I only want to help you.” Her voice went soft then, and she looked away from Tony; Peter wondered if that was out of choice or need. “I just don’t know that I can anymore.”

Tony seemed particularly riled at the mentioning of Peter. If either of them even remembered that the topic of their conversation was sat right between them, they didn’t make it obvious. “You’re being ridiculous.” He insisted. Pepper looked at him with such incredulity that Peter could barely stand it. “You made me make that video and I thought it would be an awful shame for it to go to waste.”

Pepper actually laughed out loud at that excuse. “You’re in denial.”

“You made me make that video,” Tony repeated again. “Like you wanted something to go wrong. It’s great for you, right? Because then everything can be my fault.” This was getting way too personal for comfort and Peter felt like he was underwater, holding his breath and praying he could last long enough for all of this to be over.

“Tony, you’re embarrassing yourself-“ Pepper had started to say, but she was cut off by an abrupt outburst from Tony.

“Who’s embarrassed!?”

The car came to a stop outside of Peter’s apartment block then. Pepper and Tony were both staring right at him, but he couldn’t bear to look at either one of them. His head was bowed and he sat there for a moment longer, stuck between them with nothing to say.

“Goodnight Mr Stark… Miss Potts…” he mumbled, turning to Tony’s side and waiting for him to get out, which he did after an uncomfortably long pause.

“Goodnight Peter,” Pepper’s voice was deeply apologetic.

He spent a moment too long standing outside of the car with Tony, to the point where it was obvious that Peter was waiting for him to say something, and even more obvious that Mr Stark had no idea what it was. In the end, he clapped Peter affectionately on the shoulder and nodded to him. “You did great tonight, kid.”

Peter fiddled with the bottom of his tie and didn’t meet Tony’s eyes. “Thanks, Mr Stark.”

The car didn’t leave until Peter was inside, making his way up the stairs and not knowing what to make of anything that had happened that night.


	3. tree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting very late at night for me haha so sorry if you spot any mistakes i may have missed.
> 
> enjoy <3

After the disaster of the award ceremony, Peter spent a significant amount of time trying to decide if he should be angry with Tony or not.

It seemed like just about everybody else was.

Pepper was all but boiling with rage by the time they dropped Peter home and frustration had been a noticeable weight upon Happy since Peter had seen him at the Facility the day before. He hadn’t quite noticed it at the time, but now it seemed impossible to ignore; which was something of a theme here. Hell, even _May_ had a bone to pick with Tony now and she wasn’t even present to witness his night-ruining errors. Peter had been unable to hide his utter disappointment from her when he arrived home. Watching her nephew slink off sadly to bed after a night that should have been joyous for him was enough to get May riled.

So all in all, Tony probably had enough anger pointed his way already without Peter getting mad at him too. It was still difficult not to feel _something_ about it though. Upset, probably. Because it had been easy to brush off Tony’s drunkenness the first time Peter had stumbled across him in that state, but now it meant something that Peter was entirely unprepared to deal with.

But what if it didn’t have to mean that? Maybe Peter had simply happened upon Tony at points of… celebration. He was being rewarded – Person of the Year, no less – and surely that was something to raise a glass to, right? Tony was working through a rough period. Peter knew that, whether he wanted him to or not. So maybe the indulgence was nothing more than a joyous escape from all of that while Tony revelled in his achievements rather than dwelling on his failures. A temporary thing.

That wouldn’t make sense of what Pepper had said in the car, or why Happy looked so thoroughly exhausted by it all, but Peter spent the rest of the night convincing himself to just be naïve for once.

\---

By the morning, it was easier.

May asked tentatively how last night had been over breakfast and Peter just said it was fine. It simply wasn’t worth getting into, because it wasn’t an issue. He was itching to get into his suit anyway. Seeing that spring back in Peter’s step seemed to satisfy May, and she sent him on his way with a smile that he was glad to return.

Nothing helped to clear Peter’s mind quite like swinging through the city. Even after all this time, he had found no relief quite like the exhilaration of zipping through the smallest gaps between buildings, skimming the rooftops and racing the city birds just because he could. Peter had gotten so proficient with his swinging by now that he could even shoot a couple of texts to Ned on his way. Practically an expert, he thought.

And then right as he was about to hit send on a stupid message that certainly wasn’t worth the risk, Peter hit the side of a building he hadn’t been watching out for instead.

_Note to self,_ he thought, _don’t text and swing; we’re not there yet._

The descent started slowly. Peter groaned at the initial impact, of course thinking to check the state of his phone (which was surprisingly intact) before he even remembered just how high up he was, and more importantly, how far he was falling.

Naturally, he scrambled at first. Peter dropped and caught his phone three times in quick succession as he tumbled towards the ground, forgetting for some reason about anything that he could do to recover. Something about falling does that to a person. You’re losing height so fast that you forget how you got all the way up there in the first place.

Presence of mind finally kicked in. Peter remembered, and he hit his right web shooter like his life depended on it; which at this point it may well have.

And absolutely nothing happened.

There was no way he could be out of webs already, which could only mean one thing. The web shooter must have taken the brunt of impact with the building.

It was busted.

So now Peter had one last chance and he reached for it with a yell.

The left web shooter, the lifesaver, cooperated. Mere inches from making a nasty new stain on the sidewalk, Peter whooped with glee as he hoisted himself instead onto a nearby rooftop. He could hear some delighted hollering behind him, so he turned to give an enthusiastic thumbs-up to the New Yorkers who had witnessed his fall, which they returned and his duty was done. Crisis averted, crowd pleased, time to move on.

Except now he had some busted tech to deal with and only one web shooter in action. Could he even fix this at home? Sure, Peter still had a lot of electronic scraps laying around, which he messed with pretty regularly to see what kind of prototypes he could throw together for new Spidey gadgets, but none of that would be advanced enough to work in harmony with Tony’s tech.

So that meant Peter was going to have to head to the Avengers Facility to fix this. And for the first time in… probably _ever_ , he wasn’t exactly jumping at the opportunity.

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to see Tony – Peter always wanted to spend as much time as possible shadowing his mentor, learning what he could and, a personal favourite, correcting him whenever he could. But Peter didn’t want to risk running into someone who definitely _wasn’t_ Tony Stark again; at least, not as he knew him. It was an altogether uncomfortable experience. Peter wasn’t used to it. He never wanted to get used to it.

But it was just shy of ten a.m., so there was no way.

That’s what Peter kept telling himself as he made his way, one web shooter down, to the Avengers Facility.

\---

To Peter’s surprise, getting into the Facility was going to be even easier than it was the last time he came here, on account of the fact that this time the doors were wide open.

There were a couple of cars parked outside, some men and women he didn’t recognise ferrying bags and boxes between the building and the trunks, and the air was so busy with the hustle and bustle that Peter felt awfully out of place. He certainly wasn’t keen to interrupt. Even more so when he saw Pepper amidst the madness.

Honestly if you had asked him before today, Peter would probably have told you that Pepper Potts wore formal attire to bed. He had never seen her without a pristine suit, business dress or, on a few more special occasions, elegant gown fit for royalty. No matter the situation, Pepper was professional and prepared for business.

Not today, it seemed.

Her hair was un-brushed and tugged messily into a ponytail behind her head. She wore sweatpants paired with a long sleeved sports top that didn’t match. When she spotted Peter, Pepper turned bright red – or maybe she had already been red because as she approached him, he couldn’t help but to notice her puffy eyes and immediately discerned that Pepper had been crying. Well, if Peter had felt out of place here _before_ he noticed that…

“Miss Potts, I’m sorry,” Peter was saying before she had even reached him. “I can come back later, I– “

“Hey kid,” she said as though he had never opened his mouth, and Pepper’s smile was so forced that Peter’s itch to escape spread to every inch of his body. “Whatever it is that you need, let me know now. We’ll figure it out.”

“Just, uh… web shooter’s busted.” It seemed so trivial now, in the face of all this. Peter held out his arm to show her but Pepper didn’t look. She just sighed.

One of the black suited men who had been transporting boxes of belongings (Pepper’s belongings Peter realised) from the Facility approached them then. “Car’s ready Miss Potts,” he told her, and she waved him off with a hurried thanks.

“Okay, uh, Peter…” Pepper frowned. As she always had, Pepper looked at Peter like he was a lost puppy and she didn’t have the space in her apartment or the time to commit to looking after him. Right now, he was starting to feel a little like a lost thing too. “I can get you a ride home. And you call Happy before you come back here again okay?”

So now Peter had to decide if he wanted to ask the looming question. If he wanted to hear the answer. In the end though, he already knew it would eat him up inside if he left here without knowing.

“Where’s Mr Stark?” Peter asked it like he already knew the answer; which he didn’t, but would bet that the answer was bad.

For a moment, Pepper looked like she wasn’t going to give him an answer. Then, she signalled with a solemn nod of her head over Peter’s shoulder. “You should go home kid,” she said before she was gone.

Peter was half expecting a horror movie jump scare moment when he turned to see what Pepper had meant, but what he found was actually much… sadder than that. The Avengers Facility was surrounded by greenery, and Tony had found himself a spot beneath a tree just a short walk away. A nice spot to admire the view from, for sure, but certainly not a worthy spot for Tony Stark.

Before he could reconsider the decision, Peter was trudging his way over. As he drew closer, he could see that Tony was still wearing his suit from the award ceremony last night, though it was an awful lot less pristine now, and there was a discarded bottle beside him. That particular detail definitely put Peter on edge, but he pressed on. He had to. None of this was easy. Might as well asses the damage now rather than allowing it to fester and grow any further.

One thing was certain, Peter wouldn’t be able to convince himself to stay naïve to this anymore.

“Mr Stark,” he said, cursing himself for sounding just as uncertain about being here as he truly felt. In reality, Peter had no plan here. He didn’t know what angle he was approaching this from at all. If Tony didn’t answer him, he had no idea what he was going to do.

Luckily though, while he didn’t budge from his spot slumped against the tree (or even so much as raise his head to acknowledge Peter for that matter), Tony did at least offer him a response.

And his words were not slurred.

“Hey Pete. Sorry about last night. Celebrations got a little out of hand, huh?”

Tony wasn’t drunk; but boy did he sound _drained_. Judging by the state Pepper had been in, this suffering was more than just a hangover. Though Peter didn’t doubt that had a lot to do with it as well. Still, seeing him sober… well, Peter almost wanted to rejoice in being wrong about this. He wanted, quite desperately, to leave his worries in the dust and help Tony through the fallout of whatever had happened with Pepper without sparing a thought to overcoming some kind of an _addiction_ , something Peter didn’t know the first thing about, but it was okay because he had been _wrong_ and –

But Tony didn’t allow it. Within seconds, he was reaching for that champagne bottle that Peter had presumed to be empty. Clearly, ‘empty’ was exactly what Tony intended for it to become.

Peter was already reaching to stop him by the time he noticed the tears in Tony’s eyes, which he was honestly glad for because that would have doubtlessly made him hesitate.

“Mr Stark,” Peter said, more sternly now. “You should come inside.”

“ _You_ should go home – “ Tony snapped, but then he actually looked at Peter for the first time since he had come over here to find him.

\---

Things were pretty foggy in Tony’s head these days, even in the rare moments that he did spend in partial sobriety, but one thing was clear as day to him right now.

Peter was afraid.

Of him? For him? Somehow it didn’t matter at all. That was just never a look that he wanted to see faced his way.

And it was pretty difficult to escape the fact that currently, Tony was an adult man slumped on the floor with a teenager all but begging him to get up.

How had he reached a point where he could comfortably drink from the bottle right in front of Peter? Peter Parker, the kid who had once thought that Tony was the best thing since sliced bread; and then even when he had learned his lesson about that, still chose him as a mentor. Still admired him, still trusted him. Without even realising it had gotten that bad, Tony was throwing everything right back in Peter’s face, and that was the last thing he ever wanted to do to somebody. He knew the feeling, after all.

Pepper was gone. Peter was one of the only people that Tony had left.

And regardless of that, the kid deserved better.

So Tony dropped the bottle, let the drink pour away, and pulled himself up off of his ass; for Peter’s sake.

\---

“All yours; for now, at least. Don’t go too crazy.”

Without another word about the alcohol (which Tony was noticeably grateful for), Peter had jumped right into the story of a wild street fight he had to break up at nine thirty in the morning resulting in one of his web shooters meeting a dramatic and untimely end. Tony had listened with bemused interest and he hadn’t bought a single word of it. Worth a shot at sounding cooler than slamming face first into a building, Peter thought. Especially in front of Tony Stark.

Instead of hounding Peter for the truth, which he doubtlessly would have told with very little persuasion anyway, Tony decided to spare him the lecture and instead brought him straight down to the workshop. And he was giving Peter free reign. Quite the reward for his obvious carelessness. Peter might have noticed that there was a guilty apology buried in this gesture if he hadn’t been so awestruck. It was his first time even seeing the workshop, let alone being granted unlimited access to the abundance of resources here, and it was frankly overwhelming.

“Mr Stark, I – “

“Have a lot of work to do? That you do, Mr Parker.”

Peter didn’t think he’d see the day where being interrupted and teased by Tony would make him beam from ear to ear, but here he was.

“Better get started,” Tony encouraged, giving Peter a friendly clap on the shoulder but making no move to join him. He had definitely picked up on how that made Peter hesitate. “What, you think I’m leaving you in here unsupervised all day long? Not a chance, kid,” as he spoke, Tony was making his way back to the elevator they had come down in. “I’ve got a steamy date with the shower right about now. And you’ve got about a half hour, tops.”

All that Peter really needed to hear was that Tony was coming back for his initial excitement to come rushing back. Leaving him to his own devices right now seemed… irresponsible, no matter how hard Peter tried to convince himself that his mentor certainly shouldn’t be considered as his responsibility. It certainly felt that way. But Peter didn’t begrudge it, and honestly with the excitement to get start boiling inside of him, his worries from the morning couldn’t feel further away.

“Good call on the whole showering thing, by the way,” Peter joked, right as the elevator doors were closing but he could still see Tony through the glass exterior. He seemed shocked, and just a little bit impressed, by the teasing jab.

“Next time you break it, you buy it,” he threatened on his way up. Peter turned his back and pretended he hadn’t heard.

He laughed, because it was starting to seem as though things might be okay.

\---

Tony stuck to his word and came down as a far fresher version of himself a short while later. By that point, Peter had moved well past the issue of his broken web shooter and was experimenting with a Spider-Man ‘stealth suit’, an endeavour that Tony spent the better part of his time assisting with questioning the need for. Every time Tony thought he was the smartest, wittiest person in the room, Peter gave him a reason to work harder. It was refreshing in a way that he hadn’t expected. Working alongside Peter felt like breathing fresh air for the first time after an overnight flight.

When Peter got a call from May asking if he would be home for dinner, Tony realised this was the longest he had spent sober in weeks. For the couple of hours that he spent working on something he knew, alongside someone who knew him, Tony hadn’t even thought about reaching for the bottle.

Even as he sent Peter on his way, Tony’s mind was buzzing with plans, designs, ideas – thoughts that he didn’t want to burn away with whiskey. Instead of hitting the liquor cabinet, he was straight back in the workshop before he had even made the conscious decision to be there. Something had changed. The itch at the back of his throat for something fiery was numb tonight. Tony didn’t reach absently for a drink that wasn’t there all night long; not even once.

Maybe it was Pepper leaving that kicked him into shape enough to start picking up the pieces. Maybe it was all for Peter.

Either way, it really was starting to seem as though things might be okay.

But things often do get better before they get worse.


	4. faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one took a little longer! i stepped out of my comfort zone and wrote this chapter without relying too heavily on dialogue lol, so i hope it's still good
> 
> if you spot mistakes it's because i am very stupid and only ever edit at midnight <3
> 
> enjoy!!

Tentatively, the next handful of days were better.

Tony hardly even recognised it was happening, but he was approaching his longest clean streak in weeks. He spent the day following Peter’s unexpected intrusion finalising their designs, and even making some of them a physical reality so that there wasn’t a spare second in the day to think about drinking. The day after that, Pepper came by. Tony was sober when she did. She said that Happy had told her he was finally _trying_ , which wasn’t strictly true but he certainly wasn’t about to argue. Having her around made things easier, and gave him a reason to hold off when that familiar itch for alcohol did start seeping back into his mind. So even when it was hard, things were going well.

At first Pepper would only visit for a day, maybe sleep over for a night, but it only took around a week of Tony keeping off the bottle for her to make a more permanent move back to the facility with him. She stopped leaving, yet still, Pepper wouldn’t move all of her stuff back in. Tony saw that as a threat, looming over him as though she could pull the rug out from underneath him at any moment, for any reason. He found it patronising.

So they started to argue again.

And Tony couldn’t stand it sober.

Pepper had held him while he cried, tried to make sense of his drunken rambling and she had promised to stay with him, to try harder this time around. Happy had to help her get him into bed. Tony had fallen asleep surrounded by people who loved him, and for some reason things still just kept getting worse and worse.

Because getting drunk that night had dulled a pain he hadn’t even realised he was suffering from in his week long stint of sobriety. Drinking felt like exactly what Tony should have been doing all along. Finally, he remembered how it felt to _forget_.

And this time when he fell, he fell hard.

\---

Peter hadn’t heard from Tony in weeks.

Wisely, he had begun to heed Pepper’s advice and always made sure to call ahead before paying a visit, but doing so had rendered him pretty much banned from the Avengers Facility all together. By now, the drone of Happy’s voicemail was an unpleasantly familiar sound played on repeat in Peter’s head. The first handful of times were disappointing. After about thirty dead phone calls though, it was becoming exhaustively discouraging. On the very rare occasions when Peter could get through to Happy, he could barely get a word in edgewise before being inevitably cut off with the words he had quickly grown to resent.

“Sorry kid, bad time. We’ll call you soon.”

Peter wasn’t entirely convinced that Happy understood the definition of the word ‘soon’, since the call never came. Just how long was he expected to wait? And why was the building anxiety to find out becoming so utterly unbearable?

The last time Peter had seen or heard from Tony, things had been fine. They had moved seamlessly around each other in the workshop, bounced clever ideas around the room and spent hours as the night sky bled into the daylight doing what they both knew best. They worked. They talked. They laughed. Everything was okay.

Except that wasn’t entirely true. Tony had been sluggish, having spent the entire night awake drinking and, presumably, arguing with Pepper; who had packed up her things and left mere hours earlier. In the silences, there was something incredibly urgent and uncomfortable floating in the air between them that was setting Peter’s senses alight. Occasionally, Tony would stop working all together and just watch Peter for so long that he had found it unsettling when he first noticed it. He hadn’t realised until later that Tony had been trying to tell him something. Whatever it was, he had never found the right words for it; or perhaps the right time to say them. Everything had been just a little bit off-kilter that day.

And Peter had left Tony like that, knowing all that he knew.

So the next couple of times he was met with Happy’s dull voicemail, Peter found himself wracked with impossible guilt.

\---

Over the weeks, May managed to effectively distract Peter from the massive absence of Tony with a barrage of college applications. She too was somewhat incensed that Tony had bailed on him at such a significant stage in his life, but May had been mother, father, aunt, uncle and all in between to Peter for long enough now that she wouldn’t flinch away from doing it alone. Peter was eternally grateful for that. Without May, he didn’t doubt that he may well have accidentally left the idea of college on the backburner and missed out completely. But May _had_ been there for him, and she was the first to celebrate when his acceptance letter arrived too.

Peter was still wrapped up in May’s congratulatory embrace when she insisted that he call Tony to relay the exciting news.

In truth, he was almost embarrassed to do so.

Peter’s chosen college was good, excellent in fact, and when May had driven him up to visit the campus together Peter hadn’t had a bad word to say about it. Being accepted left him overjoyed. He was genuinely excited to go.

But it wasn’t MIT.

It was childish to dwell on, but Peter couldn’t help it.

When May had placed some not so subtle MIT brochures on his bed a few weeks back, Peter had moved them straight to the trash without a second look. Just the sight of them made guilt burn heavy in his chest. Tony Stark and MIT were so fused in his mind that it was totally impossible to separate one from the other, and in turn, Peter found himself unable to detach his encompassing shame from either. Until he got the chance to offer a real apology to Tony, Peter couldn’t even consider bargaining for a place that he couldn’t claim to deserve at his mentor’s old college. And since contacting Tony had been entirely impossible, MIT had never even been a viable option.

It didn’t end up mattering much, since Tony didn’t answer the phone to hear Peter’s big college news anyway. Not even Happy picked up and this time, it stung. Peter simply couldn’t hide the hurt and May couldn’t bear to see it.

“Kitchen,” she insisted with a smile so forced that it only made Peter’s frown deepen. “We’ll bake a celebratory cake and Tony Stark won’t even get to lick the spoon.” May certainly wouldn’t be forgiving Tony anytime soon, but Peter just couldn’t help thinking how her anger would most definitely be pointed at _him_ instead if she knew the sharp, bitter truth of their situation. How Peter had left him completely alone knowing that things were truly direr than ever, all because of his own selfish need to pretend that it might all be okay. May’s imagined disappointment was already so vivid for Peter that he could feel the cut and burn of it before she even knew a thing. When she reached over to gently cup his face, Peter very nearly flinched away from it. “Hey. Come on. You should be celebrating.”

 _Celebrating what?_ Peter was supposed to be a hero, but he couldn’t even save the people he cared for most. Couldn’t even try to. No, he left them to suffer alone, glossed over their pain to make his own life easier. Then when the guilt hit, he took the easy road. Couldn’t even apologise. Couldn’t find it in himself to make the reach and offer a hand.

And now he was upsetting May too, because he couldn’t even suck it up and bake a cake with her.

Anything he could do to stop May from worrying, Peter owed to her.

And honestly, it did make him feel just a little bit better to do so.

\---

_Graduation._

It still felt like such a colossal weight to Peter. Like something that was leaps and bounds away.

Yet here it was.

Coming up on one month without a word from Tony, and Peter still hadn’t managed to swallow his guilt.

May kept him grounded but sometimes, Peter still felt consumed by it. It was battering him inside and out like a rough sea against sand. Nothing could bring him peace while this loomed on his conscience.

At last though, he thought, graduation was here and he could be faced with Tony, confronted with spilling the apology that had been waiting on his lips whether he was really ready to do so or not. He might be able to breathe again then. Smile, and mean it.

But Peter’s graduation ceremony came and went, and Tony was nowhere to be seen.

\---

_‘Congratulations kid. – Tony’_

Who knew three words scrawled on the back of a card could carry so much venom? So much bite. Happy may as well have strolled up and punched Peter square in the face. It would have been miles less insulting than this.

Though he was certainly spewing false apologies by now as to why Tony hadn’t turned up to deliver the message for himself, Peter hadn’t listened to a word Happy had to say. He was just glad to have already suited up for the night.

Because it was 11.30pm on Peter’s graduation night, and his so-called mentor hadn’t sent so much as a text in acknowledgement.

It had been easy enough to pretend for the day, for May’s sake, that he was perfectly happy. The sympathetic glances Peter kept on catching from both her and from Ned had definitely tested his composure, but he had managed. Peter Parker was no stranger to a white lie, after all. He had even managed to genuinely _enjoy_ a couple hours of the graduation party too. May’s glee was utterly infectious and Peter didn’t often get to see her smile so honestly like that. Ned’s insistent positivity was more welcome now than ever. MJ looked gorgeous and every time Peter caught her eye, he was on top of the world. The Earth didn’t stop spinning because Tony Stark was too busy to remember his graduation.

But as soon as they got home, all of that hurt and abandonment rose to the surface and Peter was totally floored by it. By the time Happy came knocking bearing that lousy little card, all the solemn sadness in Peter had already evaporated. Now, the pain had boiled over into nothing but rage. Peter was midway through suiting up with one destination in mind when Happy added fuel to his fire. That little Stark Industries business card made for some fantastic kindling.

Urgent voices yelled after him as he swung away, but Peter didn’t care.

Tony always signed his cards ‘T.S’.

\---

The silence and solitude surrounding the Avengers Facility was so horribly oppressive tonight that it had Peter wondering if things were always this quiet here, or if there really was something awful hanging in the air. It was way too dark to concentrate and he couldn’t hear a damn thing over the pounding of his heart. Peter had made it here on autopilot, but now that he was faced with it the panic had really started to set in.

Because honestly, what was he even going to say?

Tony had always been distant. Maybe it was Peter’s own stupid fault for ever working up the expectation that he wold come to his graduation in the first place. Was it irrational to be so angry about losing something that had never been promised to begin with? Never even mentioned?

Then again, none of that really seemed to matter once Peter started to worry not about what he would say to Tony, but rather about what state he might find him in.

Instead of actually going inside, Peter figured he would have much better chances of finding Tony by scaling the outside of the facility and checking the windows. He didn’t doubt that the staff inside would be quick to turn him away, and he didn’t feel much like fighting. Hesitant as he was, Peter was also certain that Happy would be hot on his heels in the car by now. Ready or not, it was time to face this; and he knew exactly where to start looking. After all, what better place to find Tony than the very last place Peter had seen him?

Sneaking his way up the side of the building, Peter silently prayed that he would find Tony in the workshop, totally consumed in something too urgent to ignore. Something undeniably worthy of skipping Peter’s graduation for. Something so important that Tony couldn’t possibly step away from it, not even for a moment.

In a way, Peter got exactly what he was asking for. He cursed himself for it.

Tony was in the workshop, totally surrounded by holograms. They detailed his intricate and varying designs, everything from new Iron Man suits to what looked like some type of weaponised drones. It would have almost been something of a beautiful sight if it weren’t for one strikingly prominent feature amongst it all.

The Captain America shield was an instantly recognisable staple. Other things, taser guns and winged suits, took Peter a moment longer to notice. Once he had rationalised it, made the connections, they were all as obvious as they were heart-breaking.

Tony Stark sat alone in his workshop, surrounded by upgrades for old friends. People who, as far as Peter was concerned, Tony had not seen or heard from in months. People who had fought him before they left him for good measure. These were not old designs. They were fresh, highly detailed and ready to be built. The only thing that they lacked was the presence of their intended owners. And crushingly, Peter could spot a couple of images glaring of his own Spider-Man suit too. Just a design among the many for people who had shamelessly abandoned their maker. It was a shot to the heart for Peter to see himself grouped alongside them like that, and it cut too deep to ignore.

Peter knew in that moment that it was high time he stopped turning a blind eye. Maybe it wasn’t up to him to save Tony, but he knew he had the power to help him. That, more than anything, meant that he was responsible. Power and responsibility go hand in hand. Peter wouldn’t be who he was if he didn’t believe that, and act upon it.

Poignantly, in the exact moment that he was coming to this conclusion, Tony was reaching for a bottle. It was empty, as Peter had already observed, but it hardly mattered because Tony never made it to the damn thing anyway. In his lean to retrieve it, he fell from his chair and landed uncomfortably on the concrete floor. He didn’t pick himself up, or even bother to move at all. Tony either passed out, or decided he would sleep there. It was the single most desolate, hopeless thing that Peter had ever seen.

For what felt like an eternity after that, Peter stayed there clinging to the window, watching the uneven rise and fall of Tony’s chest. Several times, he asked Karen if there was some way of checking his vitals from here. She could only confirm to him that Tony was still breathing. It helped, and he relaxed, until he felt compelled to ask her again.

At some point, Happy came back. He and Pepper worked together to half carry, half drag Tony out of the workshop and presumably to bed, but Peter still stayed a little while longer.

He watched the holograms flicker against the dark and made himself a promise. Peter would not become just another face among the many who gave up and abandoned Tony Stark when he needed them most. Peter was going to help him, and he was going to start now.

He wouldn’t lose Tony. He wouldn’t allow it.


	5. family

“The kid’s here.”

Of all the phrases Tony would have liked to be woken up with, Happy was really scraping the bottom of the barrel with that little gem. Sunlight scolded him the second he opened his eyes, so it was definitely morning; or at least early afternoon. And the world was already against him. Just typical. He was in bed, fully clothed. When he raised a hand up in front of his face, the motion made him nauseous. But Tony could see straight for the first time in who knew how long, so that had to count for something.

Sober. Or at least, more so than he would typically be.

“What did he see?” _‘What did I do?’_ was the real question of course, but Tony felt far too cowardly right now to put it quite as bluntly as that. His voice was so gruff that he barely recognised the sound. It no longer surprised him to be so utterly unfamiliar with himself though, so Tony didn’t react.

“I have no idea.” Happy had stopped tip-toeing around him at this point too. Sympathy be damned, all of his words were ruthlessly sharp and Tony deserved it. “I don’t even know how long he’s been up there.”

And wasn’t that an interesting way to phrase it?

\---

“Paging Mr Spider-Man.”

Tony. That was Tony’s voice.

“That’s private property, sir. Get your webs off my windows you… hooligan.”

“Mr Stark?” Peter said, trying not to sound quite as nervous as he felt. There was a little thud against his arm then, and another in quick succession; Peter realised this must have been the sensation that woke him up in the first place.

And despite the situation, it’s source was utterly hilarious.

Peter turned his head to find Tony Stark, fully dressed yet still wrapped up in a fancy looking bathrobe and sporting his infamous tinted shades, standing just below him with a handful of pebbles. One by one, he picked them from his palm and pelted Peter with them. It was such a ridiculous sight, and seemed to bring Tony such joy, that Peter barely registered the fact that being woken up like this meant that he had fallen asleep here. Peering through Tony’s window like some sort of creepy stalker.

“As fun as this is, I’m running out of rocks.” Tony said matter-of-factly. “So are you planning on coming down at any point?”

How _humiliating_. As he made his descent to join Tony on the ground, Peter was bursting with explanations and apologies. He couldn’t be more grateful to be wearing his suit right now. The mask was the hiding place that Peter desperately needed.

“Mr Stark, I-“

“Yep,” Tony was quick to interrupt, nodding his head as though he had already comprehended anything that Peter could have possibly had to say and clapping him on the shoulder in that friendly, familiar manner. “It’s a little weird for sure, but I’m gonna let it slide just this once. Next time’s a definite restraining order though, kid.”

Tony’s wise cracking wit definitely flooded Peter with relief. Normally, it would be enough. But he hadn’t forgotten about the promise he made to the night.

No matter how hard he tried it, Peter wouldn’t allow Tony to pretend everything was okay any longer.

“I’m worried about you.” He forced himself to blurt out, and watched what happened with scrutiny.

It certainly made Tony’s façade falter a fraction. Nothing more than a momentary lapse in his brave face, but Peter noticed. That gave him the push he needed to continue.

“Don’t,” Peter insisted when Tony tried to talk, anticipating his next play without even really having to think about it. “Don’t make some lame joke, or – or tell me everything’s okay… okay? Don’t.”

There was a gap of aching silence then. Time that Peter knew he should have filled with something; answers, maybe, but he would have to find them first. He had taken Tony’s conversational coping methods and thrown them out, leaving the man with nothing to do but stare at him. Telling Peter telepathically _‘but I don’t know what else to do’_. So at least they had that much in common.

Every time that Peter built himself up to face this head on, the intensity in Tony’s eyes was always the hurdle he stumbled at. There was emotion swimming there, so overwhelming that Peter could barely distinguish it. Or he could, but didn’t quite want to understand. Wasn’t ready to know.

Because it was fear, obviously.

Tony had been a great many things in front of Peter; from drunk and disorderly to disappointed parent and all in between. But never this. Never afraid.

Iron Man was Peter’s hero, and had been since he was just a child, but now it was his turn to play that role. He couldn’t imagine a larger mountain to scale.

“I want to help.” Was all that Peter could think to say. The silence was too much.

But Tony only scoffed. “Pete, this is really kinda a ‘me’ problem. Now I’m getting you a car home before May chews my ear off about it – “

“You have to let me _try_.”

Tony was quiet then, but not deliberating. His mind was running miles to find the appropriate method of shutting down this little pipe dream, but if he knew anything about Peter Parker, the kid was stubborn as all hell.

“I think I _can_.” Peter pleaded, not quite giving way to a voice break but not concealing it entirely either. “So you have to let me.”

And if Peter felt in any way responsible for Tony’s recovery, he would not walk away from this under any circumstance.

\---

“Peter.”

The sternness in May’s tone, utterly riddled with concern, was unlike anything Peter had ever heard on her before. She wasn’t here to play games, not with the bombshell he had come home to drop.

“I know,” he frowned. Flitting around her to pack up a bag was the only way for Peter to avoid having May spot the lie in his eyes, knowing full well that if he was unoccupied she would see right through him. It broke his heart to be dishonest with his aunt, but this was something he had to do by himself. And she would simply never allow it.

The same way that Tony wouldn’t, if he really knew.

“I spoke to Mr Stark and he’s gonna handle it – “

“Oh, you mean the same _‘Mr Stark’_ who skipped out on your high school graduation? That guy?”

Peter winced at the venom in her tone there. “For work.”

He hadn’t mentioned graduation to Tony, and he’d made Pepper and Happy promise not to either. Most of the time Tony was too out of it to even know what day of the week it was anyway, so for now there was no real risk of him finding out on his own. No need to add guilt to his ever-growing shame.

“Right,” May scoffed, watching Peter rush around and surely seeing nothing more than a naïve kid breaking his back for the sake of his billionaire childhood hero. Sacrificing his college placement just to spend another year interning at Stark industries, becoming a better Spider-Man at the cost of Peter Parker’s future.

Admittedly, it wasn’t a great cover story for nursing an alcoholic Tony Stark out of his addiction’s clutches, but it was the best that Peter could come up with on the spot.

“It’ll be a good thing, May.” Peter tried to insist, slinging his bag over his shoulder and finally meeting her eyes. He could only hope he didn’t look quite as desperate as he felt. For this to work out, May had to be on board. “I’ll only be at the Facility three nights a week and they’re giving me unlimited access to the _entire_ workshop. It’d be insane to turn that down.”

May frowned. Unconvinced still, but no longer verbally disagreeing. So that was at least a start.

“And it’s just for the year. With that kind of experience… I can get into probably any college I want.” Peter only stopped talking when he found himself wrapped up in May’s arms, her hand caressing his hair in a motion of such recognisable comfort he couldn’t help but to lean into the embrace. She planted a kiss on his forehead and sighed.

“I know,” May said. “I know it’ll be great for you. I just… gotta be sure that we’re still thinking about my nephew here, and not just about Spider-Man.”

Of course. Because for all that Peter got swept away and consumed in playing the hero, May was always his anchor. Nobody cared for Peter Parker like she did, and he owed it to her to remember that.

“I promise,” Peter told her, and he would never be dishonest about that.

\---

Somewhere in his conscious mind, Tony was aware that he had spent every second of sobriety that he allowed himself in the last few weeks with Peter. It felt like recovery. The way that Peter would smile when he went out of the workshop for a drink and returned with two fresh water bottles. The way he didn’t have to dig through a foggy mind to find the answers to Peter’s questions. The way he didn’t trip over his words, and his head didn’t pound in protest at Peter’s levels of excitement. All of it felt incredible.

But it wasn’t. It was a pretence.

For Peter, Tony almost felt like he could control it. The kid was only around for three days every week though, and once he was gone, Tony was crashing harder than ever before. Just as always, Happy and Pepper were scraping him off of the ground, holding him together when they could and picking up the pieces when they couldn’t. Still, Tony really thought he might be getting better. Three sober days in a week was leaps and bounds from where he used to be. So things were rough, but he really was building something new. Getting somewhere.

Before he learned something that toppled him completely.

Tony and Peter had spent the better part of all three days this week working on upgrades to his web shooter combinations; not to mention running Peter through a crash course on their current capabilities. In retrospect, it was almost amusing that the kid and his friends had totally bypassed all of Tony’s protocols. He had always been too damn smart for his own good. Already, Peter could match Tony in the workshop no problem and he was only going to build even greater intelligence from here. Speaking of which…

“You know, you haven’t even talked to me about college yet.” Tony said off-handedly as they packed away their tools, and at first he didn’t notice the way that Peter froze like a deer in the headlights. “Graduation must be coming up, right? I get it if that’s something you wanna do with your aunt but just remember I got some pull at MIT, so… Pete?... What’s goin’ on in that super brain, huh?”

“Mr Stark…” Peter started, and his tone was so full of comforting caution it made Tony want to throw up. “I… already graduated. I’m just – taking a little time off, you know, to – “

Peter kept talking but for Tony, the tsunami had already hit the shores. He held it together just long enough to get Peter in a car home and then, he crumbled.

\---

Clueless on what to make of Tony’s robotic reaction, Peter spent most of the night clutching his phone and listening to Happy’s voicemail. May’s concerned gaze was watchful. He couldn’t hide from her, not when the worry ran this deep. Once again, Peter had left Tony on the brink of collapse simply because he didn’t know what to say. Things had been going so well and he knew it was fragile, yet he destroyed it anyway. Careless. Stupid.

“Go to bed, Pete…” May’s voice, her familiar touch in his hair, pulled Peter from his half asleep state. Here he was, comfortable enough to be falling asleep on the couch while Tony was doubtlessly suffering. This couldn’t be like last time. If Peter couldn’t get hold of Tony soon… “Peter.” And once again, May pulled him back to reality. “What’s going on with you lately?”

But before Peter was forced to come up with an appropriate answer to that impossible question, there was a knock at their front door. At well past midnight. Peter had a terrible feeling, and of course he was right.

May opened the door to Tony Stark. Drunk out of his mind and sobbing.

He stumbled forwards, losing his footing immediately and leaving an utterly speechless May to just about catch him. Operating solely on auto-pilot, Peter rushed to help her hold him. Tony was mumbling something through his tears, but Peter’s senses were totally numbed by the shock of it all. It felt as though he was under water. Drowning. Together though, he and May delivered Tony to the couch, laid him down there and tried to make sense of his slurred rambling. Peter was sweating, the ringing in his ears deafening and the tingles on the back of his neck growing into a far more aggressive sting. From what he could gather, Pepper was gone for real this time. Somehow, that wasn’t the worst of it. Happy had packed up and moved out too. Something about insisting that Tony was punishing him for trying to help and he would be better off working through it by himself, but the drunken babbling was barely coherent at this point and Peter had gathered all that he really needed to know anyway.

Tony had nothing. No one. And he had come here, to Peter.

He should never have had to. Peter should never have left him like that.

“Peter.” May said, bringing him suddenly back to the surface with the insistence of someone who had been trying to get his attention for a while now.

“I should have been there… graduation… should have fucking been there – “ Tony was mumbling and it made everything worse.

“Pete.” May again, keeping him grounded. “Get me a glass of water and some blankets please.”

And finally, a way to be useful. May was a saint, so calm and collected in the face of something Peter couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Peter mirrored her, or he tried his best to at least, until they finally coaxed Tony to sleep. Even then, the silenced lingered and stretched between them.

“How long has this been going on, Pete?” May asked him at last, her tone soft and her voice hushed.

Peter figured there was really no point in hiding it anymore. He had thought that he could fix it alone. He had been so dangerously wrong. “Since the award ceremony at least, maybe longer. I-I’m not really sure.”

“And it’s why you’re skipping out on college for the year… to take care of him.”

Even though he knew he didn’t need to answer that, Peter nodded.

“Peter,” she sighed, holding none of the fury or even the disappointment that he had been expecting in regards to that. “You’re incredible.” Was she… proud? It looked like pride in her eyes. “You know he wouldn’t want this. He doesn’t even know, huh?”

“He only found out today that he missed my graduation…”

“God,” May frowned, looking down at Tony, but not looking down on him. There was nothing but sympathy in her expression as she regarded him. Gently, May lifted the blankets to cover Tony’s arms and Peter wondered why he had ever worried about what his aunt’s reaction would be when she found out about this in the first place. He should have known she would never look upon anyone’s suffering with disdain. May would always have wanted to help, no matter who or when or where or _why_. But Peter had allowed it to get worse. He had given it a place to fester and grow and this was the price he paid.

“We’ll work through this together, okay?” May tried for a smile. “You don’t have to do this alone. You _never_ have to do it alone.”

Before he could stop them, the tears were already falling; because what a _relief_. “I know.”

“I wish you’d remember it,” May said softly, moving to Peter with open arms which he was more than happy to fall into. Countless times Peter had sobbed into his aunt’s arms, and countless times she had shielded him from the worst of his pain. He only longed to do that for Tony too. “You don’t have to feel guilty, Pete.” She assured him, knowing as she always would exactly how he was punishing himself. “Being a hero… it doesn’t always mean getting it right first try. Or torturing yourself until you do. This is… so beyond complicated. Nobody expects you to know what to do.”

Peter sniffled, just about regaining his composure with the help of May’s words. “But I want to know.” He said, finding his fight now. “I can help him May, I know I can.”

“And so you should,” she smiled. Ben’s old mantra rang so clearly for Peter that it was though he was right here telling them, _‘with great power…’_. “But you don’t have to break your own back trying to do it alone, okay? Nobody wants you to suffer with this, least of all Tony.” May frowned at the slumped body on the couch. “You should offer him that dignity.”

Peter had certainly never thought of it that way. Was it fair for him to take on Tony’s suffering without even letting him know that he was sharing it? There was no way in hell that Mr Stark would allow Peter to be a victim of this if he was in the right state of mind to prevent it. Was there dignity in allowing him to bear this on his own? Help him from the outside rather than trying to share the weight from within? Peter was stubborn, but Tony was proud. Wouldn’t it be better to allow him to retain that, and keep the qualities that made him Tony Stark as much as possible?

“Okay,” Peter nodded, feeling an awful lot lighter than he had mere moments ago. “You should get some sleep, May…”

She raised an eyebrow at him then, a little grin playing at the corners of her mouth. “I’m sorry, which one of us is the legal guardian here?” When Peter laughed, May gave him a playful pinch on the cheek and smiled. “Go to your room.”

\---

Tony woke up to the delightful smell of bacon and eggs, on a bed that was very much so not his own, and as it turned out, was not a bed at all. It took him a while to regain his senses and pick up the puzzle pieces of what had occurred the previous night. Pepper had gone. Happy too. He had spent an undue amount of time wallowing in self pity and swimming in whiskey, wondering who he had left in the world and who he still meant something to, but that’s where things went dark. So what conclusion had drunk Tony reached? And how had it landed him asleep on this couch? Who cared about him despite it all; who mattered?

“Oh good,” a woman’s voice sounded behind him, which seemed odd because Tony’s one-night-stand days were long gone no matter how drunk, sad or lonely he might have been. “I was starting to worry you might have choked and died in your sleep.” But no… this was a voice he recognised. And when the penny dropped, Tony thought he might throw up. “Breakfast?” May Parker said cheerily, offering him a plate of piping hot food and smiling as though the world wasn’t coming to an end around them.

Tony’s stomach was doing somersaults but he took the plate wordlessly anyway, making space for her to sit down on the couch beside him. “Thanks. Thank you,” he remembered to say after a while of recognising that this wasn’t a terrible nightmare.

“Oh yeah?” May chuckled. “For which part?”

Even though it was clearly meant in jest, Tony answered seriously. “For absolutely everything, Miss Parker.”

But she frowned. “’Miss Parker’? Cold, Mr Stark.”

“I can call you May?”

“You drooled on my couch. I’m sure as hell calling you Tony.”

Despite the circumstances, they both managed to share a laugh over that.

“Pete, is he… here?” It was wishful thinking for Tony to even entertain the idea that he wouldn’t be, but May didn’t answer that question directly anyway.

“Whether he is or isn’t, _you’re_ more than welcome here for as long as you need to be.” Apparently it was time to pull on the heart strings. She didn’t have to try very hard. Already, just from the prospect of not being out of place here, Tony choked up a little bit. Maybe it was the alcohol in his system that was making him hyper-emotional, but maybe Tony just desperately needed not to be alone right now. “I don’t know what’s going on with you Tony, but if you need somebody, we’re here. Both of us.”

“That… means a lot. Way more than that shitty response I just gave. Sorry. Not one hundred percent switched on up here just yet,” he tapped his temple and tried to keep the emotion out of his voice

May grinned. It was the type of smile that made the room feel warmer. Tony had woken up here feeling like an intruder and within a matter of moments May had made him feel at ease; at home.

“Well maybe let me do the thinking for now.” She suggested, reaching over to give his shoulder a comforting squeeze. Tony hadn’t expected the contact, but God did he appreciate it as a warning that May was about to tell him something he didn’t want to hear. “You only feel alone because you keep on telling yourself you have no one. I’m telling you now… there’s a kid in that bedroom who’s not gonna give up on you, no matter what.”

Tony nodded. He knew.

“You need to get better, Tony. And until you can start doing it for _you_ … just try to do it for Peter.”

**Author's Note:**

> i really wanted to get something out there that was marvel related. trying to find a narrative voice that works for two characters who i LOVE but have never written for before
> 
> let me know if you want to see me more :)


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